I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
