dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
