Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
