I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
