I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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