wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
