So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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