Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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