can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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