peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
