You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
