So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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