Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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