never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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