Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
