burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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