They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
