I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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