I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sext me about skeletons
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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