based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sext me about skeletons
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
