I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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