No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
