There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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