He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
