Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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