IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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