Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is it penis luge time yet?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
