I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
