he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
