Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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