member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
