My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
