Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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