I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
