my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
