I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
