drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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