my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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