im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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