my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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