I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
