he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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