No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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