I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My cat gives me a boner
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
