I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
