and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Are we still banned from the library?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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