so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
