Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk