he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
