peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
