there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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