Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
