okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
