Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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