He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
