the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
