A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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