Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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