omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
