$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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