I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
