There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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