CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
