I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
