Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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