hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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