I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So vagazzling was a success
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
